Old News: 2005

New Year, New Song

I wrote an oddity entitled "Run Rooster Run" and it's downloadable for your listening pleasure. I've also got some interesting gigs coming up, among them a variety show in Santa Cruz, a Johnny Cash Tribute appearance, and a post-Bingo game stint! (December 30, 2005)

Eight States In Two Weeks

On to Georgia, where I played in Atlanta, Athens and Marietta. In Athens I had some time to kill so I went to a museum - the museum was closed but an odd lady walking her dog started talking to me and eventually asked, "Do you wanna see R.E.M.’s house?" Sure, I said. It turned out that Michael Stipe lived up the street (I stuck my CD in his mailbox). She remarked that in the early days R.E.M.’s melodies were not so strong, and she and her friends called them "the Little Johnny One-Notes." At my gig in Athens only three people showed up, but when you’re a one-man band, the ratio of performer to audience is pretty good. That show was actually much better than the following night in Marietta, where two hundred people were in the crowd and all but three hated me. The rest wanted metal, and I refused to give it to them!

I played at "Flying Monkey Arts" in Huntsville. My booking method is to start with a map, then get on the Internet to see what clubs are where I want to go, and then send packages off to the ones with the weirdest names. This venue was located in a nineteenth century cotton mill which later housed the nation’s major producer of combat boots for the Vietnam War. Now it contains artists’ studios and a radical bookstore. Progress! The town is known for being where Wernher von Braun’s team of Germans designed the moon rocket, and there is still a large NASA lab there. In fact, a NASA rocket scientist put me up for the night and explained some highly disturbing theories of alternate universes at three in the morning.

Nashville proved small and seedy (just the way I like it). In Johnson City I shared the bill with a great band called Perfo, whose drummer had been drinking steadily on their three hour drive to the gig from a neighboring town. He was passed out by the time they went on, so their second guitarist filled in on drums. The drummer woke up during the first song, saw his band playing without him, gave a nod of approval and then went back to sleep. I later carried him up to the stage and he came magically to life.

I slept outside a gas station in the Appalachian foothills, then played in Huntington. Andrew Iafrate played charming folk music on the mandolin and The Bedtime played chiming indie rock adorned with Christmas lights. The people were nice and the music was good, which pretty much sums it all up! (October 4, 2005)

High Times In The Carolinas

"The Cave," the venue I played in Chapel Hill, had cool stalagmite décor. There was no cover charge but bartender Roberto of The New Town Drunks passed the hat and threw in a whoopee cushion as well. A self-inflating one, no less.

Then the wildest gig was in Cayce, just outside of Columbia. I met genius artiste Jefferson Mayday at the Portland ZineFest where he was exhibiting his amazing three-dimensional board game. An excerpt from the instructions: "To play Outerground Railroad you will need to uphold one rule as your rule of thumb * If you break it (your rule) you will lose * Outerground has an ability to be played for very very very long * Your rule is that you must fully accept that you are NOT playing a game!" His venue, The Immaginarium, is located inside his childhood home. A mural on the van in front depicts the Confederate flag being devoured by the man-eating plant from "Little Shoppe of Horrors." The inside of the house is decorated with green glowing orbs and astounding construction paper collage. Red altars bear fur and feathers and old electronic apparatus. The backyard houses a teepee of auto parts and painted placards. Across the street is the site of the 1865 battle of Congaree Creek, where General Sherman fought General Dibrell over the Old State Bridge. People came, people ate hors d’oeuvres made from baked Count Chocula and taco crusts, much music was played and ghosts appeared along the old Native American trail that ran through the woods.

During my set I played a cover of "T. B. Blues," originally recorded in the early 1930’s by Jimmie Rodgers, "The Singing Brakeman." Afterwards a fellow came up and told me that his grandma had been a classmate of Mr. Rodgers’ in Mississippi when she was a little girl. Later we drank outside the capitol building, where silver stars mark the spots where cannon balls fell during the War of Northern Aggression. A statue of George Washington had its walking cane broken at the same time, and it has gone unfixed for 140 years. (September 28, 2005)

The Weeds Take Over Tour Begins

I flew to Washington DC with my bass drum, guitar and amp in tow, not to mention my props and my socks. I really could have used a third arm, but being cursed with only two, I lumbered along as best I could. The first show was at a café. A patron there informed me that the Greek word for "witch" also means "poisoner," and that when the Bible says "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live" it’s referring to poisoners as well. You learn a lot on tour. After the show I got lost in Baltimore and accidentally bumped into Edgar Allen Poe’s tombstone.

Coincidentally the next venue was "Poe’s Pub" in Richmond which turned out to be a biker bar. I considered myself lucky to sell one t-shirt and not get my ass kicked. The local paper described me as "Buddy Holly gone Goth." I slept at a truck stop, which works fine although spiders crawled onto my toothbrush. (September 25, 2005)

The Best $30 I Ever Spent

I just played two shows in Oregon, one at the Noir Lounge in Portland and one at the Voodoo Room in Astoria. The Noir Lounge was full of red velvet and gaslight, while the Voodoo was adorned with skulls and beads and was situated at the mouth of the ocean. Rani and I were also exhibiting our wares at the Portland ZineFest over the weekend, where we met Jefferson of Curse Go Back (South Carolina), who sold me an amazing board game. For $30 I received a softly glowing playing board scroll, a wealth of multi-textured playing cards, an accompanying book of illustrations, two 7" records of a hypnotizing nature, and a sheaf of illuminated instructions, from which this is an excerpt: "Outerground Railroad encourages a method 'envelopexing' oneself where you become more envolved wixed what you are envolved in that you can no longer possibly be a puzzle piece of your physical sphere's dynamics: More often your movements exceed that of alpha states limitations." (August 7, 2005)

The End Of The Road

I'm back from my eight-state two-week "See Through My Glass Eye" tour. I am proud to have added 4,500 miles to my rental car, which had only experienced 300 miles previously in its short life. Thank you to all the great people I met, especially the talented musicians toiling in the trenches of the rock and roll slough! (July 4, 2005)

Spokane, Land Of The Dead

This was my first time in Spokane, Washington, and the first thing I came across was a dilapidated 1950's amusement park ride called "Ghost Town" rotting beside the road. Prowling around in its unlit interior I barely made out disembodied hands and witch heads. The venue I played in later was formerly a Masonic Lodge, and in fact the stage was built over what had been the temple doors. One of the rooms upstairs had been the site of an elderly Mason's demise, and his spirit was known to still roam the aisles. (June 19, 2005)